Reality as a social construct

The Navy SEAL has a saying, “Two is one and one is none.” The implication is that you should always have a backup plan, in case Option A fails. So, if you have two and one fails, you still have one. In contrast, if you only have one and it fails, you have none. I’ve always loved this mantra.

One morning in college, I was walking to the school library to finalize preparation for a test. A friend approached me and asked if I had an extra scantron. I rummaged through my backpack. Of course, this was the one time I had none. I apologized to my friend and offered to give him a quarter to buy a scantron instead. He happily accepted and thanked me profusely.

Just as my friend accepted the coin, I spotted another friend whom I had known to be even more prepared than me. I asked Friend B if she had an extra scantron for Friend A. Sure enough, she did. She gladly gave me one of her 5 or 6 scantrons. I gave the scantron to Friend A, and he returned my 25 cents to me.

As Friend A walked away, Friend B gave me a strange glance, as if to say, “Dude, WTF?” Her interpretation of the situation was that I had sold her scantron to Friend A for a quarter. In her mind, I had hustled her. But, this was not the reality at all.

She had no way of knowing what actually transpired. She had not seen me giving Friend A my quarter; She only saw me exchange her scantron for the money. She did not know that the money was mine.

“Henry, did you sell the scantron to him?” she finally asked. This gave me an opportunity to clear the air and explain that the money was actually mine. The confusion was swiftly resolved.

How we see and experience our world is often shaped by the meanings we attach to it. We don’t always have the opportunity to explain all our actions to those who may not understand. Even when we do explain, it’s still subject to existing perceptions of reality. So, we’re left with a subjective construction of reality. 

Perhaps, the lesson is that we should stop explaining everything to everyone. Sure, explain the things that matter to those who matter. But, the shaping of our reality truly depends on the meanings we bring to our experiences and social interactions. It’s worth remembering that other people’s subjective construction of reality doesn’t make your reality any less true.